I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
