Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
