This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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