cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
