If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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