No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
