when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dignity is for republicans.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize