No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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