i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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