I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
