glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize