Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
