OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
