remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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