i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
