I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
