someone threw a dead crab at me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
