the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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