Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
