So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
