So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
