Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
