If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
is it fun? or sober?
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