# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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