there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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