it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
