Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So much rum. So many feels.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
