How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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