10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
