the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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