He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
