I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
