I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I bet he comes in French.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
