He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
