I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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