Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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