Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
