At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
