Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
