R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
