i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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