I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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