Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
