I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
