forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Randomize
