Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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