I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
