I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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