Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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