I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
