You're so nebulous sometimes
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
