i will never coherently bang her
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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