I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
