somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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