Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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