Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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