I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
