I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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