remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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