I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
