i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
