OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Text me some of your sweat
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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