i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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