I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
