He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
